What's the point??? (Warning: Rampant cynicism and bitching ahead...)

Honestly, I'm fine. I'm not depressed, upset or angry. Just feeling cynical today. I guess it started during 3rd period. I was team teaching 1st grade JHS students and half the class is comprised of half wits...Okay, that's harsh. There are just a couple (okay 3) half wits, and a few who are a bit slow and the rest try really hard and are good English students. I like these kids, I really do, but as I was half listening to my JTE trying to explain English grammar in Japanese, I looked out the window and retreated into my own brain, and a single phrase came to me loud and clear: Kaki, what's the point? What is my real role as an ALT? Yeah, I know that we are here to help the children with their pronounciation and improve their language abilities, and of course, put into practice all that internationalization talk, but WTF am I doing here? And why have I decided to stay another year? It's been 7.5 months and I'm feeling like I can do this job in my sleep. Preparing for classes is a no-brainer, and while I still get butterflies the moment before I start a class, I don't feel like I'm using my whole brain, or I can learn anything more as an ALT. Trust me, I do my job well and do love interacting with the children, but is this challenging? Nope. Do I have faith that I'm helping these kids learn useful English that will help them in everyday situations? Perhaps at the JHS level. Am I confident that the the majority of these kids will be able to communicate with an English foreigner outside of school when their JTE is not whispering in their ear? Not at all.

I am well aware that perhaps my primary role is to show these students what exists outside of Japan and help spark their interests in foreign people, places and languages. But I wonder: why aren't they doing more leg work? Why is it that the majority of Japanese people will not emigrate or even live outside their own country for a stretch? Why is it that foreigners are imported en masse to teach the nation's children at an exorbitant expense, while a richer and more satisfying experience is a plane ride away? It isn't a question about money or time as Japan is a rich country and people do get vacation time (though its unbelievable how little vacation people take. 4 days vacation in year? Unique? No way.). Could it be xenophobia, narcissism, ignorance, all of the above or none of the above? From what I see, children are spoon fed and coddled, and individualism is a label that is shunned and ridiculed. I am grateful that my school has a homestay program that encourages discovery and research of a different culture (Canadian) and quite happy that one 3rd grade girl would like to move to Toronto. But what about the rest of them? I sometimes think "if I could just have this make sense to one child, it would be worth it", but would it really? I'm ambitious. I wish all my kids would have a fever for travel. But alas, at this point, that's not even on the radar.

Another thing irking me is the role of the teacher in Japanese society. While "sensei" (master) is attached to their name, I feel that teachers are overworked and underappreciated, but not by their charges, but rather by their bosses. They put in way too much overtime due to a mixture of a sense of duty and appalling inefficiency (really now, does any teacher need to put in a 72 hour work week?), while being available to the students long after the final bell rings. These teachers act as chauffers, tutors, motivators and nurses on top of their already stressful duties as educators, psychologists, disciplinarians, and parent. So where are the parents? According to the book Learning to Bow, written by one of the first ever JET Programme participants, once a child enters school, the teacher effectively becomes the parent, while the parent at home (usually the mother) is the hard-nosed, whip-holding, study-Nazi pushing their kids to be academic superstars so that they can get into the best schools. I don't know this for sure, but from what I can tell, the teacher, in particular the homeroom teacher, is the centre of a kid's world. And I feel that the relocation system can be better administered. See, the way it goes is teachers stay at a school for 2-3 years. Every March, teachers are told where they will be transferring to. 2 weeks before they go to their new school. I don't understand this. What is this?? I know it's their way, but it doesn't impress me because I don't like surprises. Bah.

There are so many things I admire about Japanese culture and I feel very fortunate about my placement because I truly feel cared for and I am kept in the loop, a lot better than a lot of my fellow JETs. But I'm still just a stranger in a strange land and these are just my observations. Please don't miscontrue anything I said as racist or anything of the like. And don't worry - I'm not going anywhere...

Ahh, Montreal. How I've dreamed of you. Just a few more weeks now.