Honestly speaking...

I just want to get a few things off my chest. This is not a rant, just some... confessions.
Even though it was a new year's resolution, I believe I will be giving up studying Japanese imminently. I think I've fought the good fight and made a lot of progress from when I first arrived, but it's been slowing down A LOT as of late. I'm just not motivated. I've been self-studying exclusively for 18 months and I've hit my wall. I've hit it a few times before, but I think this is the end. I'm a student to the core - I need the student-teacher interaction, the homework, the tests. I could get that in either Ogaki or Gifu, two big cities that offer classes, but I gotta be honest: I'm not willing to put in the 2-2.5 hour round trip twice a week. I'd have to give up my weekly chat sessions with Shiloh, my eikaiwa (English conversation) group, going to the gym with Habu sensei, or my one free night a week. It's all about priorities, right? It's more important to me to keep my relationships and myself healthy. And I don't see Japanese fitting into my future. I rather keep my French, thanks.

I HATE being stared at. As a foreigner, I know it's to be expected in a homogenous culture. As a Black foreigner, I feel like a naked alien being pointed and stared at, and talked about. You know, I like attention to a certain degree, but I don't like feeling like I'm a one woman freak show. I know I'm not alone in this country, but I just find it extremely rude and disrespectful when people are openly staring when I'm going about my business. I'm keenly aware when people are talking about me and it pisses me off when people are so deliriously surprised to see a foreigner of my colouring. I especially hate it when I'm in my car and the occupants of the next car over will openly point, laugh and talk about me. Sometimes I want to yell "fuck off! Mind ya business that's all, just mind ya business." But I can't because not only do I represent foreign ALTs, but I represent Black Canadian ALTs. I'm looking forward to being invisible in public again.


Living in Japan was not my first choice. When I was looking into changing my life and experiencing something new, Japan didn't immediately pop into mind. I knew ex-JETs, but Japan seemed a little too...bland to me. (Don't shoot me - just an opinion). Aside from kimonos, sushi and karate, little excited me about the culture. When I think about cultures that are exciting and flashy-flashy, I think of China, the Mediterranean and Mexico. When I thought about Japan, I thought of quiet respect and tradition. I was looking for an adventure and a chance to really challenge myself and live outside my comfort zone. I did a lot of research and the JET Programme matched a lot of my needs and desires. There are a lot of sketchy programs out there and I wasn't about to give up a permanent, comfortable job for something that would find me broke, in slavery or dead on the other side of the world. JET suited my comfortable sensibilities and I can now say, without a doubt, that IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER FOR ME. Japan gave me a chance to SLOW DOWN. I have grown so much since coming here, and while there are little things that I truly, truly LOVE about this country, I absolutely and fiercely treasure my time here. For me, applying to JET was more about me than Japan, the job or the money. It's so selfish, but so worthwhile.

On the heels of that confession, here is another on a similar vein: I don't love Japanese food. Before coming here, I appreciated the subtle flavours, and over the last year and a half, I've tried a variety of interesting and sometimes utterly delightful food. But I'm not in love with it as much I savour the flavours of French, Chinese, Greek and Indian cuisines. Last week, I hit the food hall. I was having some kind of soba by-product that was boiled and I wanted to spit it out. I had a total stereotypical "Black" moment where I wanted to say "Yo, where's the hot sauce?!" I didn't, but I wanted to. I've had Japanese food 5-6 days a week, thanks to the school lunch I get. And while I've enjoyed tasting nearly every possible thing in the food repertoire, my epicurean desires are not satisfied. Dan, thanks for the suggestions to eat as much sushi here before I go home, but do you know where I live? I live in Gifu, a landlocked prefecture. The sushi is all right. Not like Hokkaido, where you guys are surrounded by water. Fish straight off the pier vs. fish shipped in. You can taste a difference, trust me. But don't worry, I'm going to eat all the foods that I enjoy before I leave and take some of the recipes I've truly enjoyed for those times when I just NEED a taste of Nippon.

I am looking forward to returning to an office. When I first began this adventure, I was a little bit tired of being chained to my desk surrounded by paper. And you know what? On the other side of the world, it's the same thing! But I am in the classroom less than half the time, so it makes a bit of a difference, but not by much. I thought teaching could have been a possible profession for me. But it ain't for me. I know, I'm teaching ESL, but teaching doesn't light my fire. I love the kids, I love helping them, but to have my own classroom and teach day in and day out is not for me. I think back on my advising job and I miss it. It was dynamic, it was ever-changing and it was interesting. But back then, it wasn't enough. I'm grateful for this experience because now, I don't have this "what if?" I want to go back to working with adults in an office environment where I can have some privacy, a phone, a computer and some responsibility. I know now that work is not the important thing to me anymore, but still, I know where I belong in the work world now, and that's a good feeling.

Ahh, much better. Thanks for letting me share. I don't know if I've done a good job with accuarately and adequately talking about the positive aspects of living here. There have been so many amazing moments, revelations, people and experiences. I really need to share those. I promise, I will soon. Trust me, most of my time here has been a dream come true. I'm so in love on so many levels and I sometimes forget to convey this on this public forum. My loved ones know that I'm really, really happy. This has been the best time of my life and I will never ever NOT give Japan its props. I think it's my nature to be more vocal about the negative stuff while tending to hold back with the really good stuff, except with those who I'm really close to. So people, it's really, really good, a lot of the time.

Anyway, not much new here. Last week, the gang and I went skating near Dave's neck of the woods. Fun on ice...

I'm excited because many of the Oscar contenders are coming to theatres here soon: The Queen, Babel, The Last King of Scotland. Yeah, we know what I'll be doing for the next few months. ..

It is absolutely beautiful here. Yesterday, it was 12 degrees and sunny. We might get an early spring which will make up for the nearly 2m of snow we got last year. I’ve been hearing that it’s pretty cold in Eastern Canada. I feel for all my peeps in Montreal and T.O. Sorry guys!

My one year anniversary of being natural is coming up next month. I think I’ll post a visual trip down memory lane soon…

I found this on a site when I was searching for a game to teach comparatives:

Teaching Tip:
The main job of an ALT in the school is to encourage the use of spoken English; both inside and outside the classroom. Refuse to yield to the urge to speak to your students (or teachers) in Japanese, even if you know that they'd much prefer it if you did. Insisting that they communicate with you in English forces them to practice, and furthers their command of the language. This is important!! Remember, you are not employed to speak or teach Japanese; you are employed to speak and teach English. Save your Japanese practice for your own time.

This is what I believed since day one. I feel vindicated.